Friday, November 3, 2017

Don't be Silent

If you know someone who has lost a child, don’t be silent. Don’t shy away from talking with them just because you don’t want to make them sad, or you don’t want to say the wrong thing or you simply don’t know what to say at all. Speak up. Send a text telling the person you are praying for them because most of the time we are too proud to ask for prayers. Leave a coffee on their porch or sweet note or gift to let them know they have crossed your mind. Be the hands and feet of Jesus, cook a meal, ask to watch their other children or ask if they need to talk or maybe just show up to give them a hug. 

It’s hard to know the right thing to do when their whole world has come crashing down around them but the best thing you can do is ASK, ask how you can love them in this season? Ask them if they need prayer or even just a hug! Ask them if they feel like talking about their child or if they would share their favorite memory of them with you. Don’t just do nothing because you feel as though you will do or say the wrong thing. True, that nothing you can say will make their pain any less but the things you DO and say can shine light back into their lives. 

When your child dies you feel like everyone else just goes on with their life and you are stuck emotionally and physically. There is no “moving on” from the death of a child there is only moving forward. And with each step we take the more painful it is because each step into a new hour, day or week is that much time further away from the last kiss or hug or moment with your child. 

Some mothers say they can never imagine what we go through but try. Try to imagine a life without your baby, your child. Even the thought of if makes you sick, right? So imagine that sickness multiplied but it’s not just a thought it’s your life. Your day to day, moment to moment life. And there is no waking up from it, it’s forever. We will never kiss or laugh or talk with our babies again on this earth. 

But then imagine you grieving your child and you’re completely alone. No one to come along side you and hold your hand. Of course the initial days and weeks following your child’s passing people are so present and checking in and then one day it all just stops, or that’s how it feels. People go on with their lives and its not their faults because it wasn't their child who passed away. 

But then it starts to seem that no one mentions your loss out loud, and no one says your child’s name in fear of reminding you, but I’m hear to tell you. There is no reminding us because we are ALWAYS thinking of our child. It is a song in our hearts that is on repeat and you can never make us sad by mentioning them. I am already sad and thinking about my son from the time my eyes open in the morning to the time my eye close at night. He is with me always.

Don't forget about the daddys too. They are told to be strong and take care of their family all while their hearts are broken and spirits crushed right along side the mamas & other siblings as well. Everyone handles grief differently but every single person who has lost a child just wants to know their loss matters to you and you see them in their hurt. That their suffering is not lost in the hustle and bustle of this busy world. Sometimes that is how it is perceived to a grieving parent, that our loss has been glanced over and that our child has been forgotten. 

Jackie Cooper Photography

As parents we are all part of a club. This club should come with encouraging words and friends who carry your burdens with you. We aren’t meant to walk these scary, hard roads alone. We are built for community and deep relationships that know our hearts and help heal our hurt. One of your friends will lose a parent, they will be devastated but walk with them. One of your friends will have a failing marriage that might end in divorce, be a pillar for them, hold them up, let them lean on you. And more than likely one of your friends will lose a child, whether a miscarriage, still birth, tragedy or illness. Hold their hand, don’t let them do it alone. Come along side them and carry their hurt. Don’t be silent. 

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2

This is a post that I have been trying to formulate for awhile. Every time I am about to post it I feel like I missed something but I know I need to post it in case there is someone who needs to read it. I hope you know this is just from my opinion and a couple of other angel mamas I have talked with. If there is something I've missed or a side I need to speak on please feel free to contact me and I could always do a Part 2 of this post. Thanks for stopping by.


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