Friday, January 9, 2015


So as I sit here typing this my husband is feeding the baby in the next room and he's singing to him and telling him stories and I just silently call out to the Lord, "Thank you" I could weep thinking about all that I have been given. Life is a HARD thing and I am SO blessed to be married to the man I believe God created with my heart in mind. He is all the things I dreamed of but never believed I was "good" enough to get. 

Isn't that so sad? That I didn't believe or trust God enough to give me the best of everything. I assumed that I was too bad and not a good enough Christian to have the loving husband and beautiful baby. But boy oh boy did God shatter all the lies that I was telling myself. I am his child. I am good enough to have those things. The truth is everything I went through, every boy I dated, every friend ship lost or gained makes me who I am today. Without all the heart ache I wouldn't be able to truly appreciate all the amazing heart healing love I have been given. 

My heart was broken. Not by a boy or by anything that happened in my past but by EVERYTHING that happened in my past. I explain it like this, every bad thing that happened to me or sad time I had just slowly chipped away at my heart until it was so broken I didn't think it could be repaired. I was lost. When I think back to who I was it seems like a movie I watched or a tv show I tuned into every week, not my life. It doesn't seem like me. 

"God has heard all the reports on me. And in spite of how grave they are, in spite of my spiritual prematurity, He loves me. Because in the purest, truest sense of the word, God is a dad. And part of Him is in his children, and He loves us as we are." -- Jesus Prom

WOW! to me that is mind blowing. That even in my darkest night Jesus loves me. Even when looking in the mirror at myself made me sick, God only saw his beautiful daughter. I don't mean to sound dramatic but I know that some of you girls probably have felt this way before and I just want you to know that nothing you do is ever "bad" enough that God won't forgive you. That he won't hold out his arms for you to run back to him.

For me my ah ha moment happened when I met my husband. I was 19, working in a bar as a cocktail waitress. Drinking and making poor choices. I was insecure and unhappy on the inside but on the outside it probably looked like I was having the time of my life. I wasn't.

My husband came into the bar I was working at and he had this glow about him. Everyone around him was laughing at the story he was telling the first time I ever saw him and I really honestly thought to myself, "I need to meet him". Once we met we clicked instantly and the rest is history. He pulled me out of working at the bar and I truly believe he saved my life. He is my biggest encourager and supporter. Thats why I love him so much because he loves me unconditionally. Knowing all my flaws but loving me anyways. The love he showed me reminded me of the only other unconditional love I've ever had in my life before, Jesus.

Every girl should get to experience that kind of love. And you DO with your heavenly father. Never forget that no matter how low you are or whatever you've done or been through you have someone to love you always. I'm not saying you need a guy to turn you back to Jesus or that the reason I was able to turn my life around was because of a man.  
{Sorry if my story makes it seem like that, it was not my intention.}

I hope that I can help at least one girl with this story. That some of you can relate and that as God's girls we can stick together and encourage each other. Have a fantastic weekend beauties! 
xoxo tori.

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