Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Monthly dose of Lo

Landree Olivia is seven months old! 
Not quite sure how that creeped up on us but I swear every month I say this but this is my favorite age. Everyday she brings us more joy, more laughs and more love then I ever imagined possible after losing Jaxon. I constantly pinch myself that she's ours because she really is the best baby girl!

This month she is sitting up so well by herself, LOVES to be held, is in a "big girl" rear facing car seat, eats purees twice a day (mostly likes bananas and pears but I sneak veggies in there at dinner time), likes Mickey Mouse club house, obsessed with the lights on the Christmas tree, is getting into anything she can, puts everything in her mouth, laughs a lot, smiles even more, is almost 18 lbs + 25 inches long, has the chunkiest thigh rolls and biggest blue eyes! 

Some of her favorite toys include: 
Book that makes a crinkling noise, teething waffle, rattle and Sophie the giraffe.

Wanted to share a little entry from my journal on the night before my scheduled c section that I totally forgot about until I stumbled on it the other day, here it is:

"May 4, 2017 - As I prepare to meet my daughter tomorrow night I am overcome by great sorrow and joy all at the same time. I miss Jaxon with every fiber of my being. Some days the ache of his absence seems too much to bear and other days the memory of his smell and smile carry me into tomorrow. I believe more than anything that our loved ones communicate with us from heaven. Jax let us know right away that he wanted our happiness by giving us Landree so close to his passing. She will always be so special to me because her presence will a forever reminder of the deep love Jax has for Mark and I.  I am excited beyond every other emotion to hold her in my arms, to rock her to sleep, to feed her and to sing to her. I can't wait to tell her all about her big brother and for her to grow up knowing the true protection she has, as I know she will always feel it. When I think about her my heart skips a beat because all I wanted was to be her mom. Since the moment we found out about her I dreamed of her soul and how much she will be loved. It didn't come without worry. I write this to remember that for 37 weeks and 5 days I worried. I worried whether my dream to kiss her cheeks and watch her breath in and out and snooze away in my arms would ever happen. Every pain, twinge and kick I worried. I was filled with anxious thoughts about her being taken away from us because I had to give up my son and watch his life literally slip from my hands. Grief while pregnant creates a battle within yourself that you never expected to feel. I did it all though because its worth it. Some days I was so overwhelmed with emotions I could barely get out of bed but then I remembered what a gift from God and our boy she is. We love you so much Landree Olivia and I can't wait to show you every day.'"

You are SO worth it my little ray of sunshine! Every moment with you is better than the last and to think I thought I loved you then! 

xoxo, t.

Post a Comment